Friday, July 02, 2010

I need a chill pill

For real. I am so frazzled and snappy right now. I can't even stand myself! I know if I write down what is stressing me out right now, that I will just look at it and feel silly, so here it goes. Don't read it if you don't want to listen to my whining. I am way pregnant. And hot. And my legs itch like crazy at night and I seriously am not getting hardly any sleep. I usually give in to the insomnia around 3 am, get back in the bath, shave my legs (to try to stop the itching!), eat a bowl of cereal, and then go to sleep around 4. What is up with that? Not normal. I am also having lots of random contractions, usually in the morning. I am incredibly tired. So, those are my body complaints. If only it stopped there. My little Noah is 2. I mean, he is TWO. He is in the hardest stage (for me) that either of my kids have been through ever. He is into everything. For example, at my mom's house this evening, he sprayed a pesticide in his face. In his own face. OMG. He also hates to go shopping, or eat out. So we have stopped doing both. We were with my mom and sister at the lake for a few days, and the dude flipped out anytime we entered a store. F-ah-LIPPED out. Hope is in a bit of a funky stage herself. She is super whiny and sassy. I have been blaming it on the Junie B. Jones books she and John have been reading, but as I type this, I am realizing that it is probably all coming from me. Damn. Have I mentioned that we are moving to Texas? Baby is due August 8. Which means we will be moving between 1 and 2 weeks after Emmy is born. To Texas. Where my family is not. With a newborn baby. What in the world. This is definitely the source of most of my stress. I cannot prepare a place for Emmy in this house, because really, it makes no sense to do so. We have packed up the coat closet and hung all her little clothes in there, but um, that's it. John is going to get her bassinet down this weekend. But, her cute bedding remains in the package, no nesting will be taking place for her here. Did I mention that the house we are renting here has been put on the market and people randomly want to see it. Keeping a house ready for anyone to see it at any moment, while way pregnant, and two young children running around, well, it sucks. I do not like the realtor. She is not nice to me. Actually, she is just down right rude and hateful to me. I am not lying when I say I can feel my blood pressure rise as soon as her number pops up on my phone. This week she informed me that I had to tell her each time I go out of town. Umm, no, actually I do not. But thanks. Aaaaaaaaaauuuggghhh. Okay, I do feel better after venting. I cannot stand when all I hear from people's facebook or twitter is stupid complaints about things that don't matter ... and I just did it. Sorry, it won't happen again.

So, looking at my list, I do realize how ridiculous this all sounds. I am pregnant, and I know what a blessing that is. I actually do love being pregnant. I will miss this. And Noah, while difficult right now, is seriously the best thing ever. I just love him like crazy. And it helps that he loves me too. Hope is still her bubbly sunshine self that I can't get enough of, just with some added sass. I need to enjoy this before she is 13 and has some real sass. And Texas, while the biggest stress to me right now, is really the biggest blessing. John will not be traveling anymore. My kids will have their daddy at home every night. It has been fun to see them reconnect with him this last month. Noah especially. Honestly, Noah was always happy to see John on the weekends, but he didn't ask about him much during the week. He has never known what it is like to have him around all the time. Now, if I pick him up, I get a big, "Hi Mommy." And then and immediate, "Where's Daddy?" I think he is learning that he is around for good now. That makes me happy. It will all be good, I know it will be! Deep breaths!

7 comments:

Nicole said...

Girrrl...you totally have some valid reasons to be crabby and vent. If all that was going on with me, Kevin would probably admit me into a mental institution. Not kidding. So give yourself some credit! And remember, this to shall pass. In the blink of an eye you will be settled and cozy in your new home. So, good luck, and keep us posted!
...By the way, I'm sorry but I had to laugh at Noah spraying the pestiside in his face. Totally a "two" boy!

Nicole said...

One more thing...I think you should totally unleash your pregnant, crazy, stressed-out because-I'm-moving-with-a-newborn- baby side on that realator. Seriously.

Shaunda said...

Ahhh! I hate that you are going through such trying times. But, God only gives you what you can handle...he will provide!

tallgirl said...

As far as I am concerned you are handling yourself with more grace than anyone can expect you to. What you call whining, is just stating the facts. You are doing great and have every right to feel stressed out.

jnbjourney said...

last i checked, this was YOUR blog and you could write about WHATEVER you wanted to! I can only imagine what you are going through with so many life changing events taking place, but hang in there.

Jen said...

Madeline has been acting extra sassy lately as well. I think it is anticipation of all the changes ahead for them with starting Kindergarten, and it's even more so for Hope since you are moving. This too shall pass - right?

Julie said...

I am late to this one, Jilly Bean...but very appreciative of the honesty. Plus, it was even a kind of fun ride the way you wrote it. You're just being real and realistic and I love you for it. That is how it should be. And I am with tall girl, I feel sure you are handling yourself with much more grace than you give yourself credit for through all of this. Love you!